Staying Negative aims to emotionally engage, inspire and facilitate imagination in sexual health practices. The campaign profiles the real life stories of gay, bisexual and trans men who have sex with men (MSM). Men talk about all aspects of their life from coming out, relationships, sexuality and a broad range of other topics. While HIV and safe sex is an important part of all stories, it is not the exclusive focus.
Prior HIV prevention campaigns have traditionally focused on providing gay men with information that will encourage them to adopt safe sex behaviours. In reality, safe sex practices are influenced by a whole range of environmental and cultural factors. The campaign also provides an opportunity for HIV positive men to talk about their lives and discuss how their strategies to staying HIV negative were not successful. We understand that there is more than one way practice safe sex and adopt healthcare seeking behaviours, so let's be creative about it!
There are no real criteria for participants other than that they are MSM and happy to have their stories appear as part of the campaign. In addition to the personal stories, the website provides information on HIV/AIDS, sexual health, relationships and broad of the other relevant topics including domestic violence, drugs and alcohol and depression.
Fingering, using your fingers to stimulate your partners arse, can be a great part of foreplay or mutual masturbation. Fingering can be fun on its own or it’s a good way to relax and loosen everything up, ready for anal sex. It is a great way to start before fucking as you or your partner can get a feel for what’s going on- what feels good and where, especially if you’re new to anal sex.
It’s important to remember that the anus is a really delicate area with lots of nerve endings so things can turn from good to bad pretty quickly. You want to avoid tearing the area, so make sure you have trimmed and filed your nails so that rough and sharp edges aren’t going to catch and tear the skin- ouch! If either of you like to keep your nails long, it can be a good idea to cover them in cotton wool and then put latex (or non latex) gloves on. This helps to keep the nail blunt while it’s exploring the arse and keeps things from getting trapped under the nail. If you are with a casual partner, gloves are always recommended, fingernails or not. Having a finger up your arse can make you feel like you need to go to the toilet; this is usually just a sensation and will pass but it’s a good idea to go to the toilet before you start.
It’s important to make sure you use plenty of lube as the arse doesn’t lubricate itself. It helps to guide the finger in while making the sensation of the finger moving in the arse a lot more pleasurable. Depending on how comfortable you are with anal exploration, it can be good to start slowly. A pillow under the lower back can help to prop up the bum, making it easier to see and access. Start with one (well lubed) finger and slowly push the finger in, the first knuckle can be a good starting point to see how it feels and make sure your partner is enjoying it. Once your partner is comfortable, you can then start to explore what they like. The prostate is able to be caressed through the anal wall. It’s located a few centimetres in and, if you press firmly (but gently) on the front wall of the anus as you move up, you will find a round lump, about the size of a walnut. This is the prostate, often called the G-spot; it’s highly sensitive and can take fingering to the next level when stroked.
How to Protect Yourself When Fingering or Fisting
Fisting involves inserting fingers, which are kept pointing straight and close together inside another man's or your own arse until the hand is inserted. The use of gloves is highly recommended to minimise the transmission risk of HIV and other STIs such as Hep C. Try to use powder-free gloves as pre-powdered gloves may irritate the arse.
Because the tissue of the rectum is delicate and tears easily, it’s possible to have microscopic amounts of blood present during fisting. This blood can carry enough Hep C virus (HCV) to be a transmission risk. The Hep C virus can survive for long periods of time outside the body and the virus is highly contagious, so particular care needs to be taken with gloves and clean lube when fisting. In addition, the presence of the tiniest amount of shit during fisting means that other STIs such as Hep A and Shigellacan be passed on too. Take extra care to keep any shit away from the eyes, open sores and the mouth. It is always a good idea to wash your hands after fisting or fingering, even if you were wearing gloves as the hand used to take the glove off may have shit or trace amounts of blood on it.
When it comes to fisting there is no such thing as too much lube. Use plenty of lube not only to minimise the risk of breaking skin, but to get the maximum pleasure out of the experience. It is best to avoid lubricant that may be contaminated, which means that it is best to have your own and not to share with others who may also be fisting other people. If you are fisting more than one person wash your hands with warm water and plenty of soap in between people. Don't forget to wash your arms too and make sure you change gloves for each guy you fist.
Water based lubes (e.g. Wet Stuff, Glyde, KY) tend to dry quicker than others, getting gummy and sticky, making them less than ideal in a fisting situation. Since latex gloves break and degrade on contact with oil based lubes (e.g. Vaseline or Crisco, the latter being the preferred lube for fisting), the solution is to use polyurethane and nitrile (PVC) gloves/ condoms which you can get from VAC/GMHC
If you decide not to use condoms but want to cut the risk of HIV being passed on, think about fucking first, then fisting. Fisting first is more likely to cause bleeding in the arse, making bare backing afterwards especially risky for passing on or picking up HIV. Don’t forget that bare backing is a high risk way for HIV to be transmitted.
If bleeding occurs, you should note the colour, is it dark or pink, is it gushing blood from a fresh wound? A little bit of blood mixed in with lube shouldn’t be too much of an issue. Noticeable quantities of bright red blood are a sign to stop. If there is more than a small amount of blood in the stool a few hours after play don't delay -- get medical attention as soon as possible. Be honest about what has happened so that your doctor can give you an accurate diagnosis of what the problem is, otherwise you may get all kinds of incorrect or dangerous diagnoses.