About Staying Negative

Staying Negative aims to emotionally engage, inspire and facilitate imagination in sexual health practices. The campaign profiles the real life stories of gay, bisexual and trans men who have sex with men (MSM). Men talk about all aspects of their life from coming out, relationships, sexuality and a broad range of other topics. While HIV and safe sex is an important part of all stories, it is not the exclusive focus.

Prior HIV prevention campaigns have traditionally focused on providing gay men with information that will encourage them to adopt safe sex behaviours. In reality, safe sex practices are influenced by a whole range of environmental and cultural factors. The campaign also provides an opportunity for HIV positive men to talk about their lives and discuss how their strategies to staying HIV negative were not successful. We understand that there is more than one way practice safe sex and adopt healthcare seeking behaviours, so let's be creative about it!

There are no real criteria for participants other than that they are MSM and happy to have their stories appear as part of the campaign. In addition to the personal stories, the website provides information on HIV/AIDS, sexual health, relationships and broad of the other relevant topics including domestic violence, drugs and alcohol and depression.

Oral sex

Oral sex involves the use of your mouth and tongue to give pleasure to someone else whether it be on their cock, balls or arse. Oral sex can be called several different things such as blow jobs, giving head, sucking off, fellatio, etc. It can be very enjoyable to both the guy giving and receiving if done properly. It can be really fun and even a little bit naughty because you can practically do it anywhere. Most men really enjoy receiving a good blow job but don’t feel weird if you don’t enjoy it or want it all the time.

Each person enjoys oral sex in different ways so if you’re trying out something new for the first time with a new partner, ask him if he’s enjoying it or read his body language. Oral sex usually involves one partner sucking another partners cock while moving his lips up and down his shaft. When doing this, make sure you cover your teeth with your lips as you could cause tears or cuts that increase any risk of HIV or STI transmission. You can even both suck each other off at the same time by lying on top of each other in opposite directions, this is commonly known as the sixty nine position. You don’t always have to slide his cock in and out of your mouth. You can lick the side of his cock or use your tongue to play with the fraenulum (the part just below the head of his cock). You can suck just the head of his cock or use your hand to wank him off at the same time. Have fun and experiment, try changing positions, using ice or mints to give different sensations or trying it with your clothes on or off.

It is quite normal for you to have a gag reflex which is that feeling of wanting to throw up, cough or choke when a cock touches the back of your throat. To prevent this from happening, you can wrap your hand around the base of his cock so it doesn’t go deeper than you want it to. With lots of practice, you can learn how to control the gag reflex making it enjoyable for both you and him. Try breathing in through your nose in time with the thrusts and hold your breath if his cock is right down the back of your throat. This is called deep-throating and is usually very pleasurable for the guy receiving it. It helps to tilt your head back so his cock can slide down your throat easier and most importantly make sure you relax. It is important to relax your throat as well as feel relaxed overall for you to enjoy oral sex.

Blow jobs can be awesome and are a good foreplay tool, but don’t forget about protecting yourself. Some STIs such as Herpes or gonorrhoea can be passed on through oral sex and although it is rare, there have been documented cases of HIV transmission through oral sex so be sure to always use condoms or dental dams with casual partners. It can be a bit weird and may come across as not the sexiest thing in the world, but unless it is a regular partner and you have both been recently tested, it’s best not to take the risk. If you do end up having oral sex without any protection, be sure to look out for cuts and sores on and around the cock first. If a guy cums in your mouth, you can either spit it out or swallow. Don’t be offended if someone spits out your cum, they may just not enjoy the taste. Also, don’t forget that many STIs have no symptoms so go for regular dental checkups and sexual health checkups, asking for throat swabs.

How to Protect Myself during Oral Sex 

It is possible for STIs such as gonorrhoea to be passed on during oral sex, and in some rarer cases hepatitis C from a person recieving, especially if the person giving head has cuts or sores in their mouth. 

HIV transmission through giving or receiving head (oral sex) can happen, but is quite rare. In fact, there are no documented cases of HIV being transmitted through oral sex in Australia.  The best way to think about it is that HIV transmission through oral sex is that it’s physically possible but biological improbable. However, when it does happen, it’s usually passed on from the person who was being sucked to the person who was sucking and mainly because there are several factors at play, such as cuts or abrasions in the mouth, having recent dental work etc.

Have a look at the list below for more details about increased risk of HIV transmission through oral sex. As HIV is less likely to be transmitted through oral sex it is considered a low risk activity, however, if you want to eliminate this risk entirely then use condoms when giving someone head. However here are some other pointers to help you minimize the risk. 

1) Avoid brushing your teeth just before giving head. Whilst you may really want to for that minty fresh feeling, brushing your teeth can cause micro cuts in the mouth and increase your risk of HIV getting into your bloodstream.

2) Get regular dental checkups to maintain good oral health as well as regular STI checkups including throat swabs. Remember there are lots of STIs that like to hang out in the back of throats.

3) Before you give head, it is a good idea to gargle with warm salt water to see if any stinging occurs. If it does, it is likely you have cuts in your mouth and should not be giving any blow jobs as there is a risk of HIV transmission. It is understandable that in the heat of the moment you will not pause to have a quick gargle, so it could be useful to make it a habit before you meet up with someone.

The risk of HIV transmission during oral sex increases if:

  • The person being sucked has a high viral load.
  • The person being sucked has cuts or sores on their cock.
  • The person sucking has cuts or sores in their mouth.

4)     The person sucking has ulcers, dental disease, recent dental treatment, gingivitis (inflamed or bleeding gums), prescribed or non-prescribed drugs (including amphetamines) that irritate oral tissues, allergies, trauma, piercings or oral Herpes.

5)     The person sucking gets cum (semen) in their mouth. If cum does get into your mouth, do one of two things; if it’s at the back of your mouth – swallow it, if it’s at the front of your mouth, spit it out. Either way, try and minimise the time the cum is sitting and sloshing around in case you have any cuts or abrasions in your mouth.  

Tell us your story

Tell us your story


Come and tell us your story! We would love to hear from you! If you want to find out a little more about how it all works, give Jessie a call at VAC on (03) 9865 6700, or email staying.negative@vac.org.au